The First Move Page 24
Miles turned to his daughter. “No one’s done the genealogy in our family that I know of. You could do the research and let us know what you find.”
She rolled her eyes. “That sounds boring.”
“Then you will never know about the interesting characters lurking in our family tree,” Miles said.
“Ashley...” Renia’s mother’s voice approached the tone devout Catholics use when talking to the Virgin Mary, so Renia knew what was coming next. “One of my ancestors, and so one of yours, was Casimir Polaski. He was a revolutionary war hero and saved the life of George Washington.”
“My American history teacher would’ve thought that was cool.”
“Not so fast,” Renia interrupted. “Mom is leaving out some important details. Like that Casimir Polaski never married and there is no record of him having a child.”
Her mother pursed her lips, like she always did, when the family’s Polaski lineage was questioned, which happened any time she mentioned it. “There is a census record of a boy named Borys Kasmirski—Boris, son of Casimir—father unknown, in Baltimore. His age means he would’ve been conceived when Polaski was there. I traced our genealogy back to that boy, it’s only reasonable to think...”
“Speculation and you know it.” Renia turned back to Ashley. “Mom’s maiden name, and marrying a Pole from Chicago, are our strongest ties to Poland on that side of the family. Aunt Maria’s a vegetarian and practicing Buddhist, for all that Mom runs Healthy Food.”
“My favorite sister can’t eat most of the dishes we serve,” her mom said with a cluck.
“How did you and your husband meet?”
Renia noticed Ashley didn’t say “my grandfather.” Those name negotiations would be tricky. Her mother wouldn’t settle for anything less than Grandmother—Babunia, like Renia’s grandmother had been called, would be preferable—and Ashley didn’t seem willing to be so familiar. Renia would side with Ashley, of course, but that would push the fight to between mother and daughter rather than between grandmother and granddaughter.
Her mother got a dreamy look in her eyes and her face softened. “I was visiting Chicago with a girlfriend and we decided to eat at Healthy Food on a lark. It was love at first sight. Pawel and I were married a month later. We loved each other for seventeen years before he was taken from me. I love him still.”
The table fell silent. There weren’t even the sounds of forks scraping plates or the slurping of iced tea. Renia blinked and had to wipe away tears. Her father had been uncomfortable around his daughters, and sometimes unsure what to do with his wife, but it was clear her parents had loved each other deeply. Her mom didn’t talk about her loss often, but the pain of losing her husband and son was still visible, years later. Someone else around the table sniffed. Renia saw Sarah wipe her nose on her napkin.
“Um, not to be morbid or anything, but should I be looking for any inherited health problems?” Ashley asked.
“I’d like to know, too. If Rey and I are going to make a long-term thing out of this, what kind of medical expenses am I looking at in the future?” Miles’s grin was impish, immediately lightening the mood around the table.
Renia looked at her mom, who shrugged before replying. “My mom died of a stroke and my dad of lung cancer, both pretty young. So I guess watch your blood pressure, and don’t smoke. They both smoked. My father-in-law died in the car accident, and was healthy as a bear. I don’t think he had any major health problems. Pawel had high blood pressure, but he ate too many pierogies and cabbage rolls at Healthy Food and not enough carrots and cucumber salads. I have one sister who is a breast cancer survivor and I take thyroid medicine.”
Ashley nodded, taking the information in. Then she turned and Renia felt that she was talking to her specifically. “My mom had ovarian cancer when she was twenty-eight. That’s why she couldn’t have any children.”
Renia reached out and grabbed her daughter’s hand, squeezing it and blinking away her tears. Her daughter and her gift.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
AFTER THEY DROPPED Sarah off at Cathy’s, Miles led Rey up to her apartment. When she closed the door behind them, he took her hand and started to lead her back to the bedroom. After the stress of the day, and his continued amazement at her emotional strength, he wanted to make slow, deliberate love to her and fall asleep holding her, his hands cupped around her breasts, the long, lean line of her body pressed up against his. He didn’t have a detailed plan for the rest of the night, he just knew it included touching as much of Rey as possible.
She stopped dead still on the way to her bedroom, the worry in her eyes a giveaway that her plans for the rest of the night didn’t include her naked. “How much about my relationship with Vince did you overhear?”
The chickadee he’d given her had been a promise he wouldn’t judge, and he wouldn’t. He just couldn’t think about what he—and Sarah—had overheard. He’d focus instead on how well Rey had handled both Ashley and the Stahls. “It doesn’t matter.” He tugged on her hand.
She tugged back. “It does to me.”
He swallowed a sigh. She was going to make him think about her story, and how she hadn’t had sex once and gotten pregnant—or even a couple of times—but had said, “I was never exclusive to him.” How many others had there been? How much more about her past would jump out of closets at them and how much more of it would Sarah be around to hear?
“I heard everything, but I’m trying not to think about it.” He turned toward her and dropped her hand. “I don’t understand what you were feeling in high school. I wish you hadn’t expressed your grief in alcohol, drugs and sex. I wish you hadn’t felt so trapped by a pregnancy at sixteen that you’ve not quite forgiven yourself for.”
I wish I didn’t know so many details about what happened. I wish Sarah didn’t know.
She was looking straight at him, waiting, her head cocked to the side and her brown eyes big and wet. “But I never, not once, have wished for you to be another person. You are prickly, and scared, and strong, and beautiful. We all make mistakes.”
She blinked and a tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“I don’t know, either, but I sure as hell deserve you. Come on,” he said, grabbing both of her hands and walking backward through her apartment into her bedroom. He kept looking over his shoulder to make sure he didn’t run into anything, but wasn’t willing to let go of her hands in case she said something else to focus his mind back onto her past. “I’ve got big plans for you.”
* * *
RENIA MET Ashley for lunch the next day. Her daughter was flying back to Cincinnati that afternoon. Back to her parents.
“When can I see you again?” Renia asked after the waitress brought their food.
“I talked to my mom again last night. Maybe you could come to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving?” Ashley took a bite of her food, her face open, her voice nonchalant, like the invitation to the Stahls for Thanksgiving was no big deal.
Maybe it wasn’t a big deal for Ashley, but panic seized Renia as she imagined herself alone in Cincinnati with the daughter she barely knew and the Stahls, who didn’t quite like her. She smiled, certain Ashley could see the fakeness of her reaction. “Of course I can come for Thanksgiving.”
Deep breath, Renia. You’re doing this for Ashley.
Aunt Maria lived in Cincinnati, so Renia wouldn’t be completely surrounded by suspicious strangers. She pushed her s
alad around on her plate. The holiday wouldn’t be terrible. She’d see Ashley again, which was worth any discomfort on her part.
“Maybe Miles and Sarah can come, too?”
All the tension Renia had built up about Thanksgiving left in a whoosh. For Ashley, she’d walk on hot coals. With Miles there to support her, she wouldn’t even feel the heat. “And your parents?”
The face Ashley made was an acknowledgment of the tension such a holiday would produce, for everyone. It wouldn’t just be the Stahls and Renia who would feel it. Ashley would bear the brunt of the Stahls’ fear, both before and after the actual meal.
“My parents will have a couple months to get used to the idea.” She stuck a fork in her pasta, but didn’t take a bite. “I could always tell them the other option is for me to go to Chicago for Thanksgiving.”
“I want to see you—” desperately “—but I won’t be a bargaining chip for you to get what you want out of your parents. No matter how they feel about me, they raised you when I wouldn’t have been able to. For that, I will always be grateful.”
“I wasn’t going to...” Renia raised her eyebrow and Ashley stopped. “They’ll have a couple months to get used to the idea.”
“We might not...” Renia took a deep breath so she could get the rest of the sentence out. Uncomfortable or not, it had to be said. “We might not be able to be one big happy, extended family.” She thought about Cathy, Sarah and Miles. And Richard. They seemed so at ease with one another, like each person knew their place in the family and was okay with it. No suspicions of someone trying to push another out of the family circle. In them, she found hope. “Or it might take longer than you imagine.”
“I know,” Ashley said, and quickly took a bite of her lunch.
Renia waited. It wasn’t like her salad was going to get cold if she didn’t eat it right away, and Ashley clearly had something else to say.
“I went to see Vince’s mother this morning. Your mom gave me her address.” Renia reached her hand across the table to give her daughter support, but Ashley didn’t take it. Her daughter reached for a roll, staring off into space and blinking heavily. When she turned her face back to Renia, her eyes were red, but she wasn’t crying. “When she opened the door, I told her who I was. She shut the door in my face. When I knocked again, she threatened to call the cops.”
“Oh, Ashley.” Renia nudged her daughter’s hand and this time Ashley took it. “Mom said Mrs. Flynn turned into a hate-filled woman when her husband died, and Vince dying didn’t make her any nicer. She never believed her son got me pregnant—wouldn’t believe it even if presented with genetic evidence.” She gave Ashley’s hand a squeeze. “Maybe she’ll realize you’re all she has of her son and want a relationship, but her hate isn’t really directed at you. No matter how many nasty things she called me, it wasn’t directed at me, either.”
“I guess with just me and my parents, no cousins, aunts, uncles or anything, I’d hoped finding you would give me this instant extended family.”
“It does. I’m sure Tilly and Karl can’t wait to meet you. My friend Amy will happily be a stand-in aunt. All families have their mean relative. Yours is just meaner than most.” She gave a sad smile, trying to lighten the mood. “Karl’s the city’s inspector general. If you go back to Mrs. Flynn and tell the cops she calls that he’s your uncle, they’ll leave you alone. And if they’re Polish, telling them you’re my mom’s granddaughter would work just as well.” Karl would hate knowing his name was being used to get out of trouble, but what good was having an important brother if you couldn’t at least throw his name around?
Ashley’s answering laugh was wet and she had to follow it with a big sniff, but she was laughing. “I don’t even know what an inspector general does.”
“He’s responsible for investigating fraud and waste in city government. He’s a busy man.” Renia looked at her watch. “Finish your lunch. We’re going to have to leave for the airport soon.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“GOOD MORNING, Rey.” Miles’s cheery voice rang through the phone when Renia picked it up.
“Good morning.” She rolled over in her bed and looked at the clock. Ten in the morning and still too early to be awake on a Sunday.
Last night had been the wedding that wouldn’t stop. Both the bride and the groom were in local jazz bands, so what started out as a reception ended as a late-night jam session. Both Renia and her second shooter were contracted to stay until the end of the party—and she would’ve missed a beautiful shot of the bride on her clarinet and groom on his trumpet if she’d left when the reception part of the reception ended—but it made for a rough morning after.
“Do you have plans for the day?”
She flicked through her phone to find her calendar. “Birth mothers’ support group this afternoon. That’s it, but I really need to go to the group.”
“Can you spare a couple hours for Sarah and me?”
If those hours included sleeping. “Sure.”
“Sarah wants to show her friends those pictures you guys took.”
That news lifted Renia’s mood and gave her the extra push she needed to get out of bed. Since Sarah hadn’t mentioned them in a few days, Renia had thought working in a photography studio had ruined Sarah’s interest in photography. “I can be ready at eleven-thirty, if you bring me coffee.”
* * *
RENIA WASN’T THE only one who got coffee. Sarah was standing with her father on the sidewalk in front of her studio, sipping from a paper cup. It could be tea or hot chocolate, but Miles had spent Cathy’s honeymoon bribing Sarah with coffee and she was a smart enough girl to know her mom being back in town didn’t have to mean the end of the coffee. Renia smiled and greeted them both. Sarah was sixteen. Coffee seemed as riskless a defiance as life offered.
“I brought you a muffin, as well.” Miles lifted up a white paper bag. “At least, I think it’s called a muffin. Carrot and raisin, the sign said, with cream cheese frosting.”
Renia took the bag. “That sounds like a cupcake.”
“Sign said muffin. I’m standing by my statement that I got you a muffin. But eat it fast. I’m sure after the stroke of noon, it turns into a cupcake.”
She giggled. Miles always knew when to say something silly and lighten her mood. They climbed up the stairs to her studio and Renia let them in. As Sarah raced inside, Miles turned Renia around and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “Thank you for doing this.”
She smiled and lifted up the bag. “Thank you for the cupcake.”
The three of them sat around her small table while Renia ate her cupcake and explained the process. “The most important thing to remember is the darkroom door can’t be opened or have a light turned on until I say so. We won’t have a chance to make the prints today, but we can develop the film.”
Miles and Sarah followed her into her darkroom. She instructed Miles to stand by the light switch and Sarah to stand at the counter with her. Once she set up all of her equipment, she told Miles to turn off the light.
“The movies always show a red light when they’re in the darkroom.” Miles spoke from behind her in the pitch-black.
“It’s a safe light, and we’ll use one later, but black-and-white film is panchromatic. No safe lights.” She reached out blindly for Sarah’s hand and then connected it to the film. “We’re going to load the film onto the reel and then put the reel into the tank. Once it’s in the tank, we can turn on the lights.”
Would she have taught Ashley how to develop film like Aunt Maria had taught her and like she was teaching Sarah now?
Pregnancy had been enough to stop her drinking, but raising a child at sixteen might have been enough to drive her back. Then she wouldn’t have been able to teach Ashley anything. Ashley would have been too tired cleaning up her mom’s drunken vomit to be rowing and studying hard enough to become a vet.
Renia’s emotions twisted and turned, spiraling around her throat like the film wrapped around the reel. She closed her eyes, stupid when the room was dark, and her hands slipped, smacking Sarah. “Sorry. We’re almost done.” Her voice broke when she spoke. Meeting Ashley hadn’t been the closure she’d been hoping for.
Finally the reel was loaded and Renia helped Sarah rip the backing paper off the film, insert the spindle and snap the lid on the tank. Renia took the tank from Sarah and double-checked that the lid was secured tightly before asking Miles to turn the light on.
Even in the red tint of the safelight, Renia could see the concern in Miles’s face immediately. He’d not missed the crack in her voice earlier. She cleared her throat, but he only raised an eyebrow at her. He wasn’t buying the cover-up of a frog in her throat, either.
She turned to address Sarah. “Next comes developer, which I already have mixed.” Renia handed Sarah a bottle. “Pour this in through the funnel, but don’t tilt the tank.”
“Like this?”
“Perfect.” She set the timer. “Now you agitate the tank. Like this.” Renia inverted the tank, flipped it back upright, and handed it to Sarah. “Steady, for thirty seconds.”